


not all those who wander are lost

by cosmicocean



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Leia Organa, F/M, Finn is a Skywalker, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Leia is an Awesome Aunt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-16 22:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7287826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicocean/pseuds/cosmicocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn keeps finding his family in unexpected places.</p><p>A Finn Skywalker story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not all those who wander are lost

Sometimes Finn sees General Organa looking at him when she thinks he doesn’t notice.

It’s a strange look, a contemplative one. Like Finn is a puzzle she used to know how to solve, but it’s been so long that she’s lost some of the pieces and is trying to discover how these new ones fit. 

He doesn’t let her know that he’s noticed.

 

_He sees a flash of black corkscrew curls and a shining white smile in a laugh even if he cannot recall the face it belongs to. A man’s hand holds his tiny one and he trusts it to guide him completely. And there is another man, much younger, tall with curly hair and he loves him. He reaches up to tug at his sleeve_

 

And he wakes up, sweating slightly, gasping like he was underwater.

 

Poe’s been working on teaching him to be a better pilot. While he’s mostly healed his back a lot of physical activity can still be tricky. It’s much easier being in a cockpit than training. 

“You’re getting better,” Poe tells Finn as they jump out of the ship.

“I’m only getting better because I haven’t gotten any worse,” Finn answers dryly. “If anything, I’m staying the same.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Poe claps Finn on the shoulder. He’s taken care to always make sure he bumps the shoulder that doesn’t have his scar on it. “Do you think today will be the day General Organa tells you why she’s been sizing you up every time she sees you?”

Finn looks at him in surprise. Poe grins back.

“She’s not always as subtle as she thinks she is.”

Finn snorts. “I’ve just sort of assumed she’s making sure I’m not a First Order plant.”

Poe shakes his head. “Trust me, if she thought you were a First Order plant, you’d be in a cell all the time. She trusts you.”

“If you say so.” 

“She _definitely_ wouldn’t let you on a ship with the Resistance’s greatest pilot.”

“And who’s that again?”

Poe may take pains to not bump Finn on the back, but he has no reservations, it turns out, about smacking Finn upside the back of the head with a laugh.

 

The General does eventually come up to Finn while Finn’s reading about the history of the Jedi. It’s hard to get his hands on a lot of texts, between the Empire’s censorship and then the First Order, but they’ve recovered a giant collection and Finn’s been studiously working his way through it.

“Good morning, Finn.”

Finn resists the urge to stand up to attention. He’s learned General Organa doesn’t like that. “Good morning, ma’am.”

She sits across from him. “I wanted to speak to you about your time in the First Order.”

Finn straightens. This is what he feels his primary purpose to be here. Relay information. Be useful. “What do you need to know?” He starts running through schematics in his head.

“I was just… I was curious. What your life was like.”

Finn blinks. “Like… training plans?”

She purses her lips slightly and for a moment he thinks he’s misstepped and said something incorrect until he realizes she’s sad. For _him_. “No, Finn. What was _your_ life like? How did you make it into the ranks of the First Order?”

“Oh. I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

“Nothing before the First Order? Nothing at all?”

He hesitates. “I’ve been dreaming,” he confesses. “Sort of. I don’t know if they’re dreams or memories. Nothing concrete. A smile. Someone holding my hand. That kind of thing.”

General Organa nods. “Were you… were you happy, ever?”

Finn doesn’t know where this is coming from, but he does his best to answer honestly. “I thought I was, sometimes. I thought I was when I found out General Hux and Captain Phasma wanted to make me a general. But I didn’t. Not really. It was hollow.” He shrugs a little helplessly. “I’m happy here.”

General Organa smiles. “I’m glad.” She clears her throat slightly. “I was thinking, Finn. You show a real talent with people, and a good head for statistics and strategy. I wondered if you might want to work with me more closely. If you’d like to lead one day.”

Finn frowns. “Is this only because I’m Force sensitive and you want to keep an eye on me?” General Organa looks surprised and Finn has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Just because he doesn’t have Rey’s powers doesn’t mean he hasn’t noticed anything. “I’m not an idiot, ma’am.”

It’s yet another sign of how different things are in the Resistance. If Finn had said something like that to Phasma, he’d be punished for even the slightest hint of insubordination. General Organa just laughs.

“I wouldn’t mind training you in that respect either,” she admits. “I don’t know a lot, not as much as my brother. But your skills could be honed a little and I could help. That’s not why I’m asking, though. I’m asking because it’s something I think you’d be good at, and I think for better or for worse you like to feel useful and being helpful in something you’re good at will do wonders for that.”

Finn stares at her for a moment, then breaks into a wide grin. “Yes, ma’am. I think I’d appreciate that very much. Thank you, General Organa.”

“Leia is fine, Finn.”

 

“She doesn’t even let _me_ call her Leia,” Poe says a little enviously while Finn wraps up his blaster check. Weapons checks are extraordinarily soothing to him. “Well. Not _regularly,_ anyway.”

Finn laughs. “Sorry, Poe.”

Poe sighs overdramatically. “I’ll get over it.”

 

For the first week, Finn just shadows Leia, remaining silent. He watches her plan raids, reconnaissance, bombing runs. He says nothing, watching her direct people around the base.

After a week, he observes her plans to save a refugee camp from Stormtroopers. He steps forwards.

“General Organa?” he asks politely. She turns to him and the room falls silent. He ignores the uncomfortable feeling of all eyes on him.

“Yes, Finn?”

“What do you think about moving the ground troops to the western ridge and having air cover them? The First Order’s going to anticipate you coming from the east, it’s exactly what they would do.”

She tilts her head. “That’s a good suggestion. Let’s do that.” She goes back to talking to her captains with the new plan and Finn returns to silence.

“About time,” she says when the room clears. “I thought you were going to be quiet forever.”

“I was studying your technique. It’s much… different from the other general I’ve been acquainted with.”

She raises an eyebrow. “And his was?”

He considers it. “Louder.”

She smirks a little. “You never saw me during the Rebellion.”

“Meaner,” he amends with a grin. “His was meaner.”

“That’s better. Come on. Time for training.”

“Training” is what Leia calls trying to hone his abilities. Sometimes it involves meditation, which Finn is only slightly better at than she is- she says she doesn’t have the head for stillness. Sometimes it involves her trying to get him to levitate wrenches and rocks and small items around the base. _That_ she’s pretty good at, to the point where she says that once he gets better at levitation they’ll experiment with a tug of war between the two of them. Finn’s looking forwards to being schooled.

By the end of the evening, he’s gotten a rock to go to about the height of his midriff. He feels extremely proud.

 

_Papa is talking to Auntie and his Uncles are off on an adventure. He’s beyond bored, and so he wanders off. His cousin is on a flat rock reading one of the texts that Papa gave him, but he looks up at his approach and beams._

_“Hey, kiddo,” he says, putting his book down. “You get bored?”_

_He nods and holds his arms out. “Play X-Wing?”_

_His cousin laughs, his curls bouncing. “Why not?” He holds his hands out and lifts him with the Force, carefully twisting his fingers so he flies around. “Look out! We have enemy fighters coming in straight ahead!”_

_“I’ll get ‘em!”_

_His cousin grins. “I know you will.”_

 

Finn’s eyes open.

The dreams have gotten clearer since he started meditating.

 

“I can feel Master Luke when he meditates,” Rey tells him, crosslegged. They get to talk through hologram for a little while every other day. “In the Force. I bet I’ll be able to feel you, too, when you’re strong enough.”

Finn grins. “That would be really cool.” He wonders what it would feel like, Rey’s presence brushing up against his.

“Master Luke’s been asking about you.”

“Why?” 

“If I asked Master Luke anything about why he does what he does,” she tells him seriously. “I’d never stop asking questions.”

Finn accepts that. “What’s he been asking about?”

“How your training’s going. What you’re like. How we met. Stuff like that.”

He frowns. “Do you think he’s worried that I’m still First Order?”

Rey waves a hand dismissively. “If he was, he’d have told General Organa. And besides, if he does, I’ll fight him.”

Finn laughs. “Thanks.”

“Any time.”

 

“Apparently your brother’s been asking about me.” Finn squints at the rock he’s supposed to be lifting. Leia’s told him multiple times that squinting at it isn’t actually going to change anything, but squinting feels right. 

“Has he?”

The rock wobbles slightly on the ground. “Did he talk to you? Are you training me to keep me close and make sure I’m not First Order?”

Leia sighs. It’s not a sigh at him screwing something up, he’s never actually heard her make one of those- despite her clear frustration with the progress of the war, she’s always been patient with him. Rather, it’s a sigh of sadness.

“Finn,” she says calmly. “You’ve proven yourself time and again. You faced… Kylo Ren down with a weapon you’d only used once before. You helped destroy the greatest weapon the First Order had. You are a good man, and I am training you here and as an officer because you will be good at the things I am helping you hone.”

Finn swallows. “Okay.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you would be in a holding cell right now if I thought you were a First Order sleeper agent.”

“That reminds me.” The rock lifts slightly off the floor. “We need to talk about the holding cells. Lots of holes in the building design.”

 

“How would you feel about leading more?” Leia asks after approaching him in the gym. Finn likes to work out on the weight benches often with Poe and BB-8 to keep him company. By “keeping him company”, Finn means that BB-8 rolls around him making encouraging noises and Poe drinks smoothies while reading or writing reports and going “yeah, nice job, buddy” every once in a while without looking up.

“Leading what?” Finn kicks the punching bag for good measure.

“I’d like you to start training our combat personnel with what you’ve learned from the First Order, if that’s all right with you.” Leia’s always careful about pushing his boundaries when it comes to imparting what he’s learned from the First Order. “In addition, I’d like you to start leading ground troops yourself on some missions.”

Poe looks up from the schematics he’s browsing. “Will this make him Sergeant Finn?”

Leia’s lips twitch. “It will.”

Poe grins at Finn. “Sergeant Finn, man. You gotta take it.”

“I’d like it recorded that I was going to say yes before the sergeant designation.”

“Duly noted.”

 

An almost alarming amount of people show up to Finn’s training program.

“We’ve seen hand to hand from Stormtroopers before,” Snap Wexley tells him when he sees Finn gazing wide eyed at the large group of people chatting. “We wouldn’t mind getting better at that.” The most startling addition is little Kaydel Ko Connix, who sets her jaw and looks defiantly at him when his eyes pass over her. Kaydel quickly becomes one of his favorites, gritting her teeth every time she gets something wrong and throwing herself in with renewed determination to get it right. 

His favorite moment, however, is probably when he’s teaching them how to punch.

“You’re punching wrong,” Finn tells Poe. Poe furrows his brow and looks at him from where he’s methodically hitting the bag.

“Punch wrong? How the hell do you punch wrong?”

“Try and punch me.”

“I’m not gonna punch you-“

“ _Poe._ ” Finn folds his arms. “Come on.”

Poe sighs, clearly still trepidatious, but settles into a fighting stance. “All right, but don’t say I didn’t-“

Poe throws the punch. Finn easily grabs his fist, uses his momentum to turn him around, and hurls him a good five feet, making him stumble and flail onto the ground.

“Punching wrong,” Finn calls as Poe hauls himself up, shaking his hand out slightly.

He hears Karé Kun’s distinctive cackle from the crowd still focusing on their punching.

 

“Do I get to pick my squad?” Finn asks when Leia gives him his first mission, a simple raid on a small First Order supplies outpost.

“You can’t have Poe,” Leia says immediately. “Or Karé.” Karé had quickly become another one of his favorites from sparring practice. “They’re some of our best pilots, we need them.”

“I wasn’t going to ask for them. I want Rilop, Waxin, Fireet, Diren, Qail, Milen, and Risan.” He pauses. “And Connix.”

“Kaydel?” Leia looks startled. “She’s a base officer.”

“You haven’t seen her marks in the training sessions we’ve been having. Her hand to hand is still average, but her sniper prowess is incredible and her ability with a blaster is insane.”

Leia nods thoughtfully. “Take her, then. Your people are up to you, Sergeant.”

 

Everyone agrees immediately except for Kaydel, who says “I’m only in if you give me a regular sized gun instead of the tiny piece of tauntaun shit you’ve been giving me to work with in practice.”

Finn grins and shakes her hand. “Deal.”

 

The mission goes off without a hitch. And so does the next one. And the next one. And the next.

“The Resistance has started calling us the Whisper Squadron,” Finn tells Rey, curled up in his bunk. “Because they say we come in without a sound.”

“Isn’t a whisper a sound?”

“How dare you slander our name.”

Rey laughs. “I have to go. Talk to you later?”

“Of course.”

“May the Force be with you, Finn.”

“And with you, Rey.”

He turns off the transmission and is about to turn over to shut the light off when there’s a knock on the door. “Come in.”

Leia enters, holding a small carved wooden box. “Were you going to sleep?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He sits on the end of his bed, feet flat on the floor. “What’s up?”

She looks unusually hesitant. “I wanted to give you something.” She holds out the box and he lifts the lid. His hands still on the wood.

“I always preferred a good blaster,” Leia tells him as he lifts the lightsaber out carefully. “But Luke seemed happier if I had one of these. It’s sat around doing nothing for twenty five years. I thought perhaps it could find a new home.”

Finn looks up and stares at her. As much as she’s trying to play it off, he understands the magnitude of the gift, of what she’s offering him. “Leia.”

“I don’t want it. And if there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s you.”

He carefully takes the box from her and gently puts the lightsaber back in it, resting the box on the bed. Then he bends down and wraps Leia in a hug. She seems startled for just a second, then returns the embrace.

“Thanks,” he whispers.

Leia clears her throat. “It’s my pleasure.” She pulls away. “Tomorrow we’ll start training with it.”

 

She’s not kidding, as it turns out. She’s holding a small circular droid when he arrives for training in the morning.

“My brother practiced on this when he was first given his lightsaber,” she tells him. “Han said he was absolutely dreadful at it and laughed at him the whole way.” She smiles fondly. “He teased him about it until Luke and I decided to make _him_ try it, and then he didn’t bring it up again.”

Finn grins. “I hope I’m a little better than he was.”

She snorts. “Literally anyone would be better than Han was.”

Leia imparts these little stories sometimes, tales from before everything went wrong, or maybe during the first time everything did. She says them often without sadness, like she’s processed the pain of them and moved on. She flicks on the training droid. “Today we practice when you can see. Depending on how it goes, tomorrow we might try it blindfolded.”

Finn gains lots of new light burns on his arms. Poe cackles when Finn arrives for hand to hand practice with the Resistance troops, and abruptly stops when he assigns him to work with Jessika Pava, a wicked glint in her eye at the permission being given to beat up her commander.

 

“So does this mean you’re gonna fight with a lightsaber now, or are you sticking to blasters?” Rilop asks when they’re sitting in a shelter as the rains pour down on Arkanis. He’s absently scanning the thunderstorm around him for enemies- Chiss have better night vision than humans do. Finn doubts that they’ll come across any. This is a simple recon mission and the rains will have deterred most from venturing out.

“I don’t know,” Finn answers truthfully. “I’m not very good with the saber yet.”

“I know,” Kaydel says, immersed in a mini game of dejarik with Risan. The Alder-Espirion seems to be slowly gaining the upper hand on her. “Last sniper practice you had a welt on your neck from the training remote.”

Finn points at her. “I’m getting better.”

“Tell that to the still fading burn on your neck, boss.”

“No respect for you, Sergeant,” Qail says, shaking her head in mock disapproval, Twi’lek headtails wobbling slightly. “For the record, I have _always_ shown you the utmost courtesy.”

“And it will be rewarded with an extra portion of food,” Finn promises solemnly. Qail gasps and clutches her chest.

“A whole extra portion? Stars!”

“We live in the lap of luxury,” Fireet observes, unable to keep the grin of her Mirialan face. 

“My people are allergic to such high concentrations of bitter sarcasm,” Diren tells them sternly, the Noorian’s hand interlocked with his boyfriend Milen’s. Milen snorts.

“The only thing you’re allergic to is Catodian apples.”

“ _They_ didn’t need to know that.”

Finn grins. He likes his squadron.

 

Leia comes to survey one of the training sessions one day. Finn pretends she’s not there for the first half, demonstrating how a simple headlock can easily be used to redirect balance and momentum. After he has the rest of them doing it, he jogs up to her.

“What’s up?” he asks, toweling the sweat of his forehead. Leia watches the proceedings.

“You’re right,” she observes mildly, watching Kaydel flip someone twice her size. “Connix is scary.”

“I told you.”

“I just wanted to see what you’re like as a leader.” She smiles at him. “You’re very good.”

He grins at her. “Thanks.”

 

_Mama lifts her onto her shoulders. He cannot see her face. He clutches at her curls, burying tiny fingers in bouncing hair._

_“Not too tight, baby boy.”_

_“Sorry, Mama.”_

_Papa glances up when they enter the room and smiles. His face is blurry, but the smile is clear. “Look at you, little one.”_

_“Mama’s taller than you,” he tells Papa happily. “I can get higher.”_

_“Ha,” Mama says, sounding almost smug. Papa pouts._

_“She’s using her height against me.”_

_“You’re still my favorite papa, Papa.”_

_Papa grins. “That’s the best job in the whole galaxy.” He reaches up and tussles his hair, standing on his tiptoes to reach_

 

Finn jerks awake from where he was slumped over the table in the nearly empty mess. He’d been working on the plan Leia asked him to go over for one of her infiltration squads. Yes. That’s right. It must be either very early in the morning or very late at night.

“Go to bed, Finn.”

Finn looks up a little blearily. Leia is watching him from the entrance to the mess. She’s still wearing her standard day clothes, but her hair’s down, reaching just past her shoulders. He’s never seen it like that before.

“Sorry, ma’am.” Finn shakes his head a little to dislodge the cobwebs. “Not finished with work yet.” 

“Come on, Finn. That’s an order.”

Finn grabs at his pencil where it fell from behind his ear when he slept. “I’ll go to sleep when you do.”

She stares at him and he briefly wonders if he went too far. Then she smiles a little wearily.

“Fair enough.” She sits next to him, tugging and twisting her hair into a simple bun. “At least let me help you.”

They sit there working for at least another hour. 

 

“We’re leaving Ach-To today!” Rey sounds more excited than Finn’s heard her in all their holo conversations. “We’re going to hop to another planet, Master Luke won’t tell me where, and then we’re going to come see the Resistance.”

Finn grins. “So you’re coming home soon.”

“I can’t wait to see you practice with the lightsaber.”

“You’re probably better at it then I am.”

Her beaming turns wicked. “We can duel and find out.”

Finn groans. “Oh no.”

 

“A First Order outpost on Felucia,” Milen says with interest, browsing the file the squadron’s been given on the shuttle they’re traveling within. “I’ve never been to Felucia. Any of you?” 

“My parents took me there once on vacation when I was a teenager.” Kaydel’s leaning over Milen’s shoulder to read. “It was really humid. Did terrible things to my hair.”

Milen grins at her. “ _That’s_ what you remember?”

She looks at him. “No. I remember key minor locations that may help us in battle and I’ve been hiding them from all of you.”

“I went to Felucia once with Phasma’s squadron,” Finn says, quickly cutting through the brewing bicker session. “Training exercise.”

“Remember anything useful?” Risan asks. Finn’s squadron rarely responds with an awkward silence or kind comments when he brings up his First Order past. It’s one of the reasons he loves them.

“Some good ways to handle on the terrain. It’s pretty hot, so I had our armor left over from the Tatooine mission packed. Oh, and there are jungle rancors.”

Rilop looks up at him. “Jungle rancors.”

“They’re a lot like regular rancors, but greener,” Finn tells him seriously. Rilop groans.

“Why did I sign up for this banthashit squadron again?”

“ _You’re_ the one that wants to get us special leather jackets that have _Whisper Squadron_ on the back in cursive, Rilop,” Qail points out.

“Yeah, and you better not bail on that,” Fireet adds. “The lettering should be in neon.”

“Neon pink,” Diren adds. “Like a Coruscanti diner sign.”

Rilop turns to Finn. “Stop this madness.”

“I’m not the one who came up with the idea for the jackets.”

“When I was _drunk!_ ”

“There are witnesses.” Milen stands from the pilot’s seat. “That makes it legally binding. Also we’re here.”

Everyone stands and changes into their armor. Finn puts his lightsaber on his belt in the holster he made for himself. His jacket that Poe had given him was too tattered after Starkiller Base, but Finn had held onto the material, waiting for something to do with it. Once Leia gave him the saber, he’d finally found what he’d been waiting for.

“So is this a sneak attack or guns blazing?” Fireet asks as they approach the section of the jungle with the shelter- they’d parked a short distance away for the element of surprise. Risan tilts his head.

“We may not have a choice.”

Finn hears it shortly, too. The sound of blaster fire.

“Smugglers?” Diren asks, reaching for his gun.

“I don’t know. Take out the First Order first, then we’ll deal with the attackers. Kaydel, can you scale one of the trees to-“

“On it, boss.” Kaydel jumps on a tree and starts climbing, a sniper rifle on her back.

“Rilop, you too?”

“You got it, Sergeant.” Rilop disappears. 

“Everyone else, I want you ready. Guns blazing it is.”

Finn and his squadron charge into the outpost, where First Order troopers are firing into the woods blindly.

“There’s more from behind us!” One of them yells. “Blast them!”

Something about Finn’s mind always clears in a firefight, with the notable exception of that very first one, where he’d been ordered to kill innocents. But when it’s here, with his company? Everything falls away that isn’t the objective. Take the outpost alive if possible. Defend your squadron. Keep moving. Stay alive.

“There’s a lot more here than intelligence suggested, Sergeant!” Qail yells, nimbly taking down an officer that almost clipped Risan.

“There’s always a lot more or less than intelligence suggests!”

Qail grins a little, flashing pointed teeth. “Fair enough.”

Finn hears the rumbling roar of a Wookiee and he glances up. A blast hits his gun, missing Finn’s hand narrowly. He drops the blaster quickly and instinctively grabs his lightsaber, lighting up the green blade. 

“Got your fancy laser magic sword out now, boss?” Finn hears from comms in his ear. Finn rolls his eyes.

“Kaydel, stay off the comms if you don’t have anything relevant to say.”

“Ten four, magic man.”

“Everyone, keep moving.”

A blaster bolt that comes undeniably from a bowcaster rockets past Finn to hit a stormtrooper he’d been facing off against. Finn looks up to see Chewbacca, aiming at another one. Finn grins.

“Everyone, this is Sergeant, do not shoot into the trees for the targets that these guys were shooting at, they’re friendly.”

“Yes, sir.” 

Two figures in brown robes appear from the trees, one of them igniting a blue lightsaber, the smaller one wielding a staff. Finn does his best to ignore them. They’re an additional factor. That’s all. Don’t let the emotion of the moment overtake him.

One of the troopers comes up behind the figure with the lightsaber. Both Finn’s First Order training and his work with Leia kick in. He vaults off a rock, somersaults in mid air, and takes out the stormtrooper with his lightsaber. He lands neatly on his feet in front of the person and turns around. “Are you all right?”

The man lowers his hood and Finn knows immediately that it’s Luke Skywalker.

“Fine,” he says quietly, blinking at Finn. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” He swings his lightsaber back around and readies. 

After the arrival of Skywalker and Rey, it doesn’t take very long. Finn immediately puts his hand to his ear. “Kaydel, Rilop, if the situation appears to be clear to you, you can come down now.”

“On it.”

“Thanks, boss.”

Finn turns to Qail and Diren. “You two, check their computers for any important data and transmissions we can use.” Next to Fireet, Risan, and Milen. “You three head back to the ship, start her up, bring her back here.”

“Yes, sir.” They immediately head off to their separate jobs. Finn heads into the main of the outpost and examines the worn down floor.

“What are you doing?” Finn glances up to see Skywalker hovering in the doorway.

“The First Order keeps a lot of their safes for important information in the floors of their outposts.” Finn finally sees what he’s looking for, a small rectangular panel in the floor. He lifts it up to confirm. It’s a small keypad for a lock, exactly like he thought. “I don’t know the combination, so normally it would take a while to break in, but…” He carefully carves through the hollow part of the floor with his lightsaber and finds a little safe in the floor compartment. “Perfect.” He looks back at Skywalker. “Can you give me a hand with this?”

“What?” Skywalker looks vaguely surprised. “Oh. Of course.” He reaches out and gently lifts the safe out with the Force. Finn kneels to check its condition. It seems relatively unharmed and seems unlikely that the First Order would have detonated the contents.

“Thanks. I’m not sure I can lift a full safe yet and I didn’t want to damage it.” He stands and holds out his hand to Luke. “I’m Finn.”

“Luke. My name’s Luke.”

“I know.”

“Finn!”

Finn catches Rey in his arms as she launches herself at him, both laughing. “Hi, Rey.”

“That was _brilliant_ , I saw that move with the lightsaber, _absolutely_ amazing-“

“Look at you! You’ve got Jedi robes and everything! You look all official!”

Rey grins. “Just _almost_ official.”

“What are you two doing on Felucia?”

“Master Luke says that there’s two Kyber crystals at this base.”

“A-“ Finn turns to Luke, who’s watching them with a strange expression on his face. “There’s lightsaber crystals in that safe?”

Luke nods. “I can sense it. I don’t know what they’re for, but they’re in there.”

“Master Luke thinks it would be best for my fighting style if I had a double bladed one.”

Finn tugs on one of her buns. “Are you sure it’s just not to have one more blade than me?”

She shoves at him a little. “Positive.”

Kaydel comes in, rifle slung over her shoulder. She gives Rey and Luke a polite nod and then returns her attention to Finn. She is very rarely one to stand on circumstance. “Boss, we get what we came for?”

Finn gestures at the safe. “That should have old plans in it for the Star Destroyers and TIE fighters. That’ll give the General and I plenty to work with when it comes to planning attacks. Have Diran and Qail come in here to carry it back to the ship. I’ll join you in a minute.”

Kaydel shakes her head. “We’ll fly the ship back, boss. You go with them.” She grins. “We’ll tell the General you’re guarding precious cargo if she asks.”

Finn snorts. “If we die en route cause the _Falcon’_ s the _Falcon_ -”

“Hey,” Rey objects.

“Just cause the _Falcon_ ’s lucky doesn’t mean it’s not garbage, Rey. Anyway, if we die en route, I’m gonna ask you to take the blame.”

“I’ll take the blame if I can take charge of Whisper.”

“Done.” He gives her a little salute. “See you back at base, Kaydel.”

“See you, boss.” Kaydel hefts her rifle a little and then heads out the door. “Diran! Qail! Chief needs you to carry stuff!”

Rey smiles at Finn. “Look at you. All in charge.”

Finn grins. “That’s me. I’m in charge.”

 

Chewbacca pats him on the head when he gets to the _Falcon_ and growls something.

“I still don’t know Wookiee,” Finn says with a smile. “But it’s nice to see you, Chewie.”

“They didn’t teach Wookiee in the First Order?” Rey asks. Finn shakes his head.

“We learned a collection of Core World-centric languages but ones mostly native to non-humanoids weren’t taught. They weren’t so keen on the diversity.”

“Huh.” Rey claps him on the shoulder. “I’ve gotta get in the cockpit.”

She leaves with Chewbacca, leaving Luke with Finn. Luke seems tentative, almost (somewhat surprisingly) shy, so Finn decides to break the ice.

“Leia will be glad to see you. I think she’s missed you.”

“She lets you call her Leia?”

“Yeah.” 

Luke looks a combination of wistful and nostalgic. “People were always too scared to call her Leia. Always General or Princess.”

“She doesn’t like princess anymore.”

“Oh, she didn’t before I left either. Only Han.”

Finn swallows. “You heard about…”

Luke nods, grin gone. “Yes. I felt it, even before Rey told me.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Luke sits. “Rey tells me you grew up in the First Order?”

“Yes, sir.” Finn sits as well.

“Luke’s fine, please. That was very brave of you to get out.”

Finn shrugs awkwardly. “Didn’t really feel like a choice at the time.”

“May I ask a personal question?”

Finn shrugs again. To him, all questions about one’s self seem vaguely personal. People only asked about you or your well being in the First Order if there was something wrong with your performance as a soldier. “Sure.”

“Do you remember your family before?”

Finn hesitates. “I dream,” he says, wondering what it is about Skywalkers that he always tells them the truth. “My father’s smile. My mother’s laugh. A cousin who was kind. That sort of thing.”

“No faces?”

“No. Just pieces.”

“Do you…” Luke hesitates. “Would you like to find them?”

Finn shuffles a little in his seat. “Maybe someday, I guess? But right now there’s a war on, you know? There’s more important things to worry about. Also, I guess… you kind of build your own family, you know? Rey and Poe are my family. Leia’s my family. My squadron’s my family. So if my parents are still alive, I’ll find them someday. I’d like to let them know I’m alive. But right now there’s more important things to deal with, and I have people I love and care about.”

Luke smiles a little sadly. “That seems very wise.”

“Did you ever…” Finn pauses, trying to figure out how to phrase it. “My cousin, the one I can remember the most clearly other than my parents. He was… he could lift me with the Force. That’s gotta mean he was pretty strong, right, even as a teenager? Did you… did you have anyone with dark curly hair who was strong in the Force as a Padawan? Did any of your students… would he be okay?”

The ship rocks abruptly. Finn grips the edge of his seat for balance and his lightsaber falls out of his holster. Luke quickly catches it.

“Sorry!” Rey shouts in response. “Sometimes she has some trouble with the lightspeed jump.”

“I don’t like her newfound attachment to this ship,” Finn mutters. Luke smiles as he turns over the lightsaber in his hands.

“I wondered where you got this from. This is Leia’s, isn’t it? The one I gave her?”

Finn nods. “She gave it to me. That’s okay, right?”

“Of course. It’s yours now. Even if she hadn’t given it to you, you’ve made it yours.”

“Did you make it for her?”

Luke shakes his head. “I made it for myself, after I lost mine when I lost this.” He holds up a bionic hand Finn hadn’t noticed until now.

“How did you lose it?” Finn figures if Luke can ask him personal questions, Finn gets to ask a few of his own.

Luke shrugs carelessly. “A fight with my father.”

“Your father cut your hand off?”

“He wasn’t always a very nice man.”

Finn stares for a moment, then shakes his head. “ _Skywalkers_ ,” he mutters. 

Luke laughs and laughs and laughs until tears leak from his eyes, and for some reason that feels like a victory to Finn.

 

Leia is waiting when they arrive. Whisper Squadron got there first, because their ship isn’t a piece of junk, and must have told her. Rey disembarks first with Chewbacca. Chewbacca hugs Leia, and then Rey. Finn comes down the ramp with Luke and something about Leia’s expression falters, then strengthens. She comes up to him. Finn stands there awkwardly, feeling like he shouldn’t be here, but also like Luke might need some form of backup.

“You know,” she says slowly. “I’ve never liked the method of running away as a solution to one’s problems.”

Luke’s face is impassive. “No,” he says serenely. “You always preferred punching your way out of a situation to running.”

Leia arches an eyebrow. “And that’s a bad thing?”

“I never said that.”

She purses her lips in an effort to hide her smile. “I’m not pleased with you.”

“I didn’t think you might be.”

“But I understand. I might have disappeared too, if I was you.” 

Luke looks a little sorrowful. “No, you wouldn’t have. You didn’t, did you?”

Leia pulls her brother into a hug. “Welcome home,” she whispers.

Finn wanders back to Rey as they hug, who’s saying hello again to Poe. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, and she smiles at him shiningly. When he glances back at Luke and Leia they’ve broken apart. Leia says something to Luke that makes him grin and duck his head and the grin is oddly and strongly familiar, making Finn’s skin prickle.

 

“Do you know if Luke ever had a partner?” Finn asks while he and Rey spar the next day. “Romantically?”

Rey dodges the swing of his staff by jumping over him. She whips back around. “I don’t know. I never asked. Why?”

“Just curious.”

 

 

_He feels a ripple of unhappiness in the Force. He’s always been good at feeling other people’s emotions , but he recognizes this kind. It’s the kind he’s been feeling from one person in particular._

_Quietly, he sneaks from his room into the hallway, tiptoes until he reaches his cousin’s room. He nudges the door open to see his cousin, clutching his head and crying._

_“I don’t know what to do,” his cousin whispers. “Help me. Please.” He glances up and notices him watching through the crack in the door. “Feorin.”_

_“I knew you were sad,” he tells him. His cousin motions for him to come in and he does, shutting the door behind him._

_“Your dad wouldn’t be very happy if he knew you were awake.”_

_He frowns. “You’re more important than Papa being happy.”_

_His cousin looks at him for a long time, then sighs and hugs him. “You’re my one bright spot, Fae.”_

_He doesn’t know what he means, but he hugs him back, feeling his unhappiness slowly ebb away_

 

Finn wakes up gasping. He slides on his boots and stumbles out to the mess.

Poe and Rey are there, surveying flight schematics together. Rey and Poe have bonded quickly over ships, and sometimes at night when they can’t sleep, they go out to the mess and look at flight plans together. Both look up at his arrival.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Poe asks, then he notices the look on Finn’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I had a name.”

Rey looks up from where she’s leaned her head on the table. “What?”

“My cousin said it. I had a dream that was a memory, and my cousin said my name.”

Rey sits up. “What was it?”

Finn sits next to Poe. “Feorin. My nickname was Fae.”

“Fay-or-in.” Rey lingers on each of the syllables. “I like it. It’s pretty.”

“Do you want us to call you that?” Poe asks. “We can change Finn.”

“No. I like my name. It’s my new name for my new life. I just-” He clears his throat. “I like knowing I had one.”

Poe smiles at him. “I’m glad you found it out.”

Finn swallows. “I think Luke knows who I am,” he reveals for the first time aloud. “I think my cousin was at the Jedi Temple. I think I was, too.”

“You were a Padawan?”

Finn nods. “My cousin was really strong in the Force and Luke never gave me a direct answer about if he might have had him.”

Rey edges forwards a little on her elbows. “Finn, that means you somehow escaped the Temple Massacre. Master Luke didn’t think that _anyone_ made it out.”

Finn feels uncomfortable. “I don’t know how I did it.”

Rey immediately reaches out and grabs his hand. “I didn’t mean to say that you did.”

Finn clenches Rey’s hand. “I don’t know why I can’t remember.”

“You could have repressed the memories,” Poe says, putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “It’s totally natural and okay, it happens to some of our pilots after they have a traumatic run. We could have you talk to someone, if you want.”

Finn shakes his head. “It’s not… I just want to figure this out on my own for now.”

“Okay. You’ll talk to us, though? If you need to?”

“It’s why I came to you.”

Rey squeezes his hand, still clenched in hers. “We’ll be here for you.”

“Every step of the way,” Poe promises.

 

Three days later, when Luke observes Finn performing blaster practice, Luke accidentally calls him Fae. He corrects himself, apologizing and saying “it was the name of someone I knew once”. Finn betrays nothing, but he tells Rey and Poe that his theory was correct.

He doesn’t say his other one. He can’t voice that one aloud quite yet.

 

Leia keeps training him. She doesn’t let Luke in their practices. Finn wonders if he asked. 

 

Finn watches Poe lead his squadron in exercises in the sky above D’Qar. Luke approaches him.

“Damn good pilot,” he observes. Finn nods.

“The best there is.”

“Do you fly?”

Finn snorts. “Not well.”

Luke grins. “No?”

“I was a Stormtrooper. My job was more point and shoot.”

“Leia says you were being groomed to be a general.”

“All the more reason not to fly.” Finn watches them trace white trails in the blue sky. “Generals don’t do the hands-on work.”

“Did you… were you ever happy?”

“I thought I was.” Finn can’t help his small smile as Poe does more loops than strictly necessary- the base loves watching Poe’s squadron practice, as evidenced by the smattering of cheers and applause. “I’m happy here. I like it here.” Finn finally looks at Luke. “This is my purpose. This is where I was born to be. Not any First Order ship or base. Here.”

Luke smiles back, a little fond. “I’m glad you found it, then.”

 

_Feorin watches his cousin put his lightsaber back together. It’s a bright blue. Feorin wasn’t there when he picked out the crystal, but he’s seen it, beautiful and shining._

_“It’s pretty,” he tells him. His cousin gives him a slight smile in return._

_“Thanks, Fae.”_

_His cousin has bags under his eyes these days. He looks tired and sad and much older. Feorin wishes he could fix it._

_“You’re gonna be okay,” he tells his cousin. His eyes flicker to him, and his smile becomes a little more strained._

_“I know.”_

_He flicks his lightsaber on and it grazes his thumb. He hisses and stands, dropping the saber which flips off at contact with the ground. Feorin stands too._

_“Ben!”_

_Ben flaps his other hand at him. “i’m fine, it just surprised me. Get me some ice, please.”_

_Feorin scrambles off his seat to run and help his cousin, who is shaking his hand slightly, whose brow is furrowed far too much lately_

 

When Finn wakes, he wants to scream. So he does, into his pillow. He pushes the pillow into his face loud enough that nobody can hear. Then he stands and tugs his shirt off, tracing the wounds on his shoulder on his back that were left months before. 

 

He calls in sick the next day. He’s not surprised when Poe and Rey come to visit.

“Heard you were feeling under the weather.” Poe sits on the edge of his bed, crossing his legs. Rey does the same. 

“Was it those Tandarian Clams?” Rey asks, eyes narrowed. “I told you, never eat a thing that swims, it’s unhealthy.”

“No.” Finn traces an aimless pattern on his sheets. “I remembered my cousin’s name. I know who he is now.”

Rey sits a little straight. “What was it?”

Finn swallows and prays that they don’t hate him. “Ben.”

They both go still and exchange a look. 

“Ben,” Poe tries to clarify. “As in…”

“Ben Solo. Kylo Ren. He’s my cousin.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

“So that would make your father…” Rey whispers.

“Luke. Yeah.”

They’re both quiet again and Finn feels like he stops breathing.

“I hate to break it to you, buddy,” Poe finally says. “But your family’s kind of fucked up.”

Finn giggles until it’s full blown laughs and he can’t stop for a while. Rey and Poe start giggling, too.

“Look at it this way,” Rey says. “Master Luke lost a hand in _his_ family squabble. You’ve only got a few bumps on your shoulder and your back. That’s gotta be a win in your family.”

That sets off another round of giggles. 

After a while, Finn wipes the tears from his eyes, Poe is hiccuping slightly, and Rey is red faced. 

“Are you gonna be okay?” Rey asks. Finn runs his fingers through his hair, which has gotten longer since he defected. It feels like a form of rebellion, putting his hair in a short ponytail every morning.

“I don’t know. He knows who I am, and he hasn’t said a word. I… don’t know how to feel about that yet. I’ve thought about it and I still don’t know. I’ve had my suspicions for a while now.”

“Do you think the General knows?” Poe’s hiccups have finally faded.

“I think so. That one kind of hurts more,” he admits. “I _definitely_ don’t know what to think about that.”

“Ask her,” Poe says. He notes Finn’s look of disbelief. “No, really. The General doesn’t like people dancing around topics. If you come out and talk to her about it, things’ll go a lot smoother.”

“Well. Maybe.”

Poe and Rey spend the rest of the day with him, playing card games and swapping stories. 

 

Finn comes into Leia’s office. She’s studying some papers. “What is it, Finn?” she asks, voice distant.

Finn closes the door behind him. “Did you take me on because I’m your brother’s child?” he asks her. 

She stills and slowly puts the papers down. She looks up at him, face betraying nothing. They stare at each other for a moment.

“He didn’t tell you,” she finally says. “You worked it out on your own.”

“I’ve been having dreams.”

She sighs. “Sit.”

Finn does so.

“He doesn’t want to tell you because he wants you to build your own life. He doesn’t want you to be shackled by an old one.”

“And it didn’t occur to him that maybe I’d like to have both?” He can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Believe me, I’d rather he told you, too.” Leia runs her fingers along her scalp, hair in a loose ponytail for once. “Your grandmother was evidently quite the stubborn politician. Sometimes I wonder if you and I got the straightforwardness from her or the other side of the family.”

Finn knows Leia doesn’t like to talk about her father. Now that he knows that Anakin is his grandfather, he doesn’t quite know what to say. Leia must see it, because she smiles ruefully.

“I’ll tell you about them, if you want,” she tells him. “Anakin and Padmé. They’re part of your past. You have the right to know.”

Finn shrugs awkwardly. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

“Fair enough.” She takes a deep breath. “Finn, I didn’t know for sure if you were a Skywalker before Luke arrived. I admit I had my suspicions, but nothing concrete. I swear to you on my life and my honor I recruited you because you’re a smart, capable young man, and not because of any other familial reasons.”

Finn nods slowly, absorbing. 

“I remember Ben,” he says. Leia closes her eyes briefly.

“I wondered if you would.”

“What happened to him?” 

“The dark runs strong in our family. He couldn’t resist it, in the end.”

He mulls it over. “I don’t feel it,” he tells her. “I feel angry sometimes. But I don’t feel the call to the dark side.”

Leia smiles, warm and genuine. “Then you’re breaking the cycle.”

Finn smiles back tentatively. “I’m glad.”

Her smile fades. “Do you remember how you escaped the Temple Massacre?”

“I don’t.” He hesitates. “So you all thought I was dead?”

Leia nods. “When the Temple Massacre occurred, we never found your body. We assumed Ben brought it with him. We didn’t know why.”

“I don’t remember what happened. But I will.” Finn’s absolutely certain.

“When you do, we’ll be here.” She motions. “Come here.”

Finn lets himself be hugged, feeling warm and accepted and profoundly all right.

 

A month passes. Luke says nothing to him on the subject, but tries to get to know him. Finn lets him, slowly coming to terms with how scarring it must have been for him, to think your son was dead all these years, and then discover he wasn’t.

So he lets Luke in. He tells him about what food he likes and what he doesn’t as he learns his tastes, tells him about his missions with Whisper Squadron. Sometimes he shows him what he’s learning in the Force but very rarely. That feels private between him and Leia, and Luke seems to respect that.

Sometimes, when he’s with both Whisper Squadron and Luke, he thinks his crew knows. They watch the two of them a little too long before looking away quickly. But they say nothing on the subject to him, and for that Finn is grateful.

 

“Do you want to know about your mother?” Leia asks while he’s doing a handstand in her office, two rocks balancing on his feet. Finn hesitates.

“No, thank you,” he says. “Not yet.” He doesn’t want to add anyone else to the mix quite yet. Leia nods and tells him he’s slightly crooked.

 

“Did you want him to be your father?” Finn asks while he’s working on knitting Rey a sweater. Kaydel taught him how to do it and he’s picked it up quickly. Rey shrugs as she tinkers, fixing a wind-up toy belonging to one of the kids on the base.

“I did, for a few days.” Rey grins. “Then he was too irritating.”

Finn snorts. “Fair enough.” He tugs on his yarn a little. “Were you mad when he was mine?”

“No,” she answers immediately. 

“Why not.”

Rey puts down her hyperwrench. “Because you got to find your family, and you’re my best friend. I can’t begrudge you something that good.”

Finn swallows, so full of happiness and so unsure of what to say. He goes for a weak smile. “So Poe’s not your best friend, huh?”

“He’s my _second_ best friend,” she answers loftily. “You can have more than one, you know.”

 

It’s a terrible place to die.

That’s Finn’s first thought. He’d gone on solo recon to Terifin to examine it and see if it was good to transfer the Resistance base there. What no one had anticipated, however, was instead a First Order base being there.

So now he’s hiding in a sort of walk-in closet that had not yet been stocked with weapons. It’s not a bad size for a closet, as far as closets go. Well-lit. Roomy, even. 

But still. Hiding in a First Order closet waiting to be shot. There are better places to die.

The door swings open abruptly and someone flings themselves in, shutting the door quickly. Finn immediately raises his weapon and the woman does the same as she turns around.

She’s about Leia’s age, with dark skin, black curls shot with silver and a dark brown hat shoved on top of them. She’s dressed in almost entirely gray, her long coat, baggy pants, and waistcoat buttoned over a loose white shirt the same color. The large scarf around her neck is a darker gray. 

“Is the one color really necessary?” are the first words out of Finn’s mouth. Leia likes to say when they’re training that he inherited “that Skywalker sass”.

The woman lowers her gun. “Is the patchwork jacket really necessary?”

Finn tugs at Poe’s old jacket with one hand as he lowers the blaster with the other, frowning. “One of my best friends gave me this jacket.”

“You should have told him to keep it. Hiding from the First Order?”

“Hiding from the First Order,” he confirms. “What’re you in for?”

“Bounty hunter. Killed someone in the ranks. Not thrilled with me.” She sits down. “You?”

“Member of the Resistance.”

“ _Really?_ Well, la-ti-da, whippersnapper.”

Finn points at her black boots, scuffed and the wide golden heel tarnished. “You judge me for my jacket when your shoes are so beat up?”

The woman snorts. “That’s fair. I’m Kaestra.”

“Finn.”

Kaestra tugs a pack of cards out from her coat pocket. “Wanna play a round?”

Finn considers it, then crawls to the middle of the closet, dragging his blaster with him. “Sure.”

They play for a little while, discussing various blasters. Kaestra turns out to be something of an expert. Eventually, she asks him “so what do you get up to in the Resistance?”

He hesitates. “Oh, some of this, some of that.”

Kaestra raises an eyebrow. “Are you the best at being evasive in the Resistance or does that go to someone else?”

Finn grins. “General Organa, some days.” Everyone knows Leia is part of the Resistance, so that doesn’t seem like too much to say.

Kaestra looks startled. “You know Leia?”

“Yeah. Do you?”

“She was…” She traces a pattern in the floor. “Yes. I did. She was an uncommonly good woman. Full of fire and with a strong head on the shoulders.”

Finn smiles fondly. “Truly.”

“Did you… do you know Luke, too?”

“You know Luke?”

“He was, well. He was my husband, once.”

Finn stares at her, feeling something almost but not quite like nausea. “Your husband?”

“Yes, well.” She attempts a feeble smile. “It was a very long time ago.”

Her husband.

His _mother_.

“I’m training to be a Jedi,” he blurts out. “Leia’s teaching me. She started teaching me first, so she won’t let Luke do it.”

He doesn’t know why it’s the first thing he says. It feels important, somehow, to let her in on such a large part of his life.

She grins. “Are you? That’s good.”

“He’s back. Luke is, at the base, and I think… I think you should come with me. Say hello.”

Kaestra groans. “Don’t go getting any fancy ideas about reuniting long lost loves, child.”

“Do you still love him?”

Kaestra narrows her eyes at him but says nothing.

“Look, I’ll cut you a deal.” Finn’s learned a lot of things from Leia, and bargaining is one of those things. “You come with me, we’ll give you sanctuary from the First Order for a while.”

“Sanctuary,” Kaestra mutters. “In a place where the First Order is always trying to find.” But she’s clearly thinking about it. Finally, she says “all right, count me in.”

Finn stands and pulls out his lightsaber. Kaestra looks vaguely surprised to see it.

“That was Leia’s. Luke gave it to her.”

“She didn’t like using it so she gave it to me.”

“No. No, she didn’t. She must trust you very much.”

Finn shrugs. It’s true, of course, but he can’t tell her one of the reasons why, so there’s no point in confirming it.

“Let’s go.”

They slip unseen through the halls of the base. “They have three TIE fighters,” he whispers to her as they move. “I hope you’re a good shot.”

Kaestra looks unimpressed. “Kid, I can’t fly very well, but I certainly can shoot.”

_And that’s where I got that from_ , Finn thinks as they get into his small ship. He wonders when he’s going to freak out about this. He hopes it isn’t when they’re escaping. _Damn Force, pulling us bloody Skywalkers together._

 

The people flying the TIE fighters aren’t very good at their jobs. Finn feels, as a former Stormtrooper, vaguely disappointed in them.

 

When they land, all of Whisper Squadron plus Rey, Poe, BB-8, Leia, and Luke are there. Rey picks him up and swings him around over her shoulder. 

“We didn’t hear from you,” she says excitedly. “Whisper Squadron and Poe thought you might be dead but I _knew_ Luke or Leia or I would have felt it and we didn’t.”

Finn laughs as Rey puts him down. “Glad I could prove you right.”

It feels like everyone in Whisper Squadron ruffles his hair. Kaydel kisses him on the cheek, then turns red when Finn looks her way in surprise.

“Shut up, asshole,” she says. “I thought you were dead.”

“I’m very glad to see that you are not,” Luke murmurs, a smile on his face. He reaches out and gently touches Finn’s cheek. Finn stills. “Welcome back, Finn.”

He swallows and smiles. “Thanks, Luke.” He clears his throat. “There’s someone you might want to talk to.”

Luke looks up to see Kaestra,tentatively coming down the ramp. “Oh,” he whispers.

Luke and Kaestra stare at each other for a moment. Then Leia makes an impatient noise and closes their distance, walking up to Kaestra and hugging her.

“Welcome home, Kaestra.”

“Kaestra?” Poe looks startled. “I remember you.”

Kaestra grins. “Is that little Poe Dameron?” She reaches up and ruffles his hair. “Still up to trouble, I see.”

Poe grins. “Yes, Ms. Raerun.”

“Ms. Raerun. Your mother didn’t let you call me by my first name.”

Poe laughs. “And you didn’t let me call you by your married one.” Poe looks startled suddenly. “Your married-“

“Kaestra,” Luke says softly. “We should talk. There’s- there’s a lot to discuss.” His eyes flicker to Finn and then back to Kaestra. He holds out a hand, almost hopefully, it seems. She hesitates, then takes it. They walk through the camp on their way to the housing buildings.

“Finn,” Poe whispers. “Finn, that’s your-“

“I know,” Finn says, watching his mother and father go.

 

“I met you once,” Poe says while Kaestra and Luke are still talking somewhere. “I’d completely forgotten about it, I didn’t even remember until now. We were just kids, and you were so little when you died…”

“So you heard about my dying at the Temple?”

“My mom and Kaestra were friends. I heard that Kaestra’s son died at the Temple. I just never really put it together. I knew Ben better than you, that’s how I met you, Ben was babysitting for you.”

“How did I seem?”

“Happy. You loved Ben more than almost anything in the galaxy, any time you were around him was good time to you.”

“Huh. Hey, Poe.”

“Yeah?”

“What was Ben like?”

Poe sighs. “He was a good kid, then. He was bright, he was quick with a joke, he was kind. Knowing that Snoke’s been talking to him since he was a kid makes sense, cause I could never understand what happened to him. I guess it got stronger when he left for the Temple, cause when I’d see him then, he seemed tired. Sad. Older and more strained, I guess.”

Finn nods slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, that corresponds with what I know of him, too.”

 

Kaestra finds him that evening. Poe taught Finn how to carve wood into charms, so he’s sitting on top of one of the little green hills around the base and carefully making a tiny lightsaber charm for Rey to add to the bracelet he’s been working on for her.

“Did you and Luke get along okay?” Finn asks without looking up.

“Yes. We talked for a while. About your friend Rey and Poe and you.”

“Oh yeah?” Finn takes a tiny sliver off the charm. “Anything good I can use as blackmail against them later?”

Kaestra laughs. It’s bright and warm, and it cuts Finn a little inside, that he could have heard it all his life but he didn’t. “No. He said you used to be a Stormtrooper, until you defected to the Resistance and saved Poe’s life. That you spent your whole life with the First Order.”

“Yeah.”

Finn waits for it, waits for Kaestra to ask if he’s happy now, what he remembers, like all the Skywalkers before her.

“That’s pretty shitty.”

Finn laughs, realizing that Luke must have filled her in. “It was.”

“I’m glad you’re not there anymore.”

“Me too.”

They sit in companionable silence for a moment.

“Want to practice with blasters tomorrow?” Kaestra asks. “I want to see how you stack up against me.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

 

A week later, Leia asks how Finn’s doing during training.

“Neither of my parents have the guts to tell me they’re my parents,” he answers. “I’ve been better.”

Leia snorts. “Fair enough.”

 

_“Hide,” Ben had said to him, and Feorin did. He’d heard screaming, and he’d curled deeper into a ball in the secret passageway Papa thinks he doesn’t know about but he and Ben had found it while exploring._

_Ben opens the door to the passage, soaked to the bone._

_“Is it raining?” he asks and Ben nods._

_“Yeah, Fae. Pretty hard.” Ben’s hands are shaking. Why are they shaking?_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“I’m fine, Fae, I promise.” Ben kneels down. “Come here.”_

_Feorin rushes into his cousin’s arms. “I heard screaming.”_

_“I know.” Ben picks him up. “I need you to trust me and close your eyes until I say you can open them again, okay? Promise me?”_

_“I promise.” Feorin buries his face in the crook of Ben’s shoulder until Ben says “it’s okay now, Fae, open your eyes.”_

_They’re in a little ship, one of the Temple’s for going on official Jedi business._

_“Where are we going, Ben?”_

_“We’re gonna go some place safe, okay? Some place where no one will hurt us.”_

_“Who’s gonna hurt us?”_

_“Nobody. Not ever. Go to sleep.”_

_He does, and when he wakes up through the window of the ship he can see Ben storming away from two forms that look a lot like Auntie Leia and Uncle Han, tears in his eyes. He gets into the ship._

_“Are Auntie and Uncle okay?” he asks._

_“We don’t have to worry about them,” Ben says, throat closed up._

_They fly through space, to a great big triangle shaped ship. When they get off, a girl is standing there, who looks like she’s a little younger than Ben._

_“Phasma, sir,” she introduces herself. “Of the latest Stormtrooper division, sir. I’ve been sent to bring you to the Supreme Leader.”_

_Feorin is confused. Who is the Supreme Leader? Aren’t the Stormtroopers the bad guys?_

_“This is Feorin,” Ben tells her. “He shows great promise. Wipe him, and put him into your program.”_

_Phasma raises her eyebrows, and nods. “Yes, sir.”_

_Ben kneels down in front of Feorin. “Fae,” he says softly. “You’re going to have to be incredibly brave for me, all right? Someday I’m going to find you, and I’m going to remind you of who you are, and together we’ll share this gift we’ve been given together. But for right now, I’m not going to be able to see you for a little while. We’ll see each other again. I promise. Can you be brave for me?”_

_Feorin nods, feeling close to tears. “I promise, Ben.”_

_Ben hugs him close and Feorin tries not to cry. Then Ben pulls away and nods at Phasma, who holds out her hand._

_“Come here, child.”_

_Feorin takes her hand and walks with her, away from Ben, afraid but determined, because he promised_

 

Finn wakes up with a start. He throws a shirt on and rushes down to the General’s room. He knocks on her door and she opens it, in sleeping clothes, blinking a little blearily.

“Finn?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Finn, it’s early, can it wait until-“

“Ben saved me from the Temple Massacre.”

Leia stills.

“Well then. I guess you’d better come inside.”

Finn tells her the story while she sits on the edge of her bed, pacing nervously. When he finishes, she’s gone white as a sheet.

“Ben came to us that night,” she says. “After he’d done what he’d done. Offered to share the power of the galaxy with us.”

“He was going to do the same for me.” Finn can’t stop pacing. “That’s why he put me in the Stormtrooper program, to keep me close. That’s why he yelled that I was a traitor. I thought it was because I betrayed the First Order, but he felt like I betrayed him.”

Leia stands and grasps his hands. “Finn,” she says gently. “You betrayed nobody. You freed yourself.”

“I should have known,” he whispers. “I could have brought him back.”

“It’s not your fault.” She embraces him. “It’s not your fault.”

Finn clutches her, willing himself to believe her.

“There’s still a chance,” he whispers. “I can still do it.”

 

Kaestra starts accompanying the Whisper Squadron on missions to the point where she’s a de facto member. She’s a crack shot and astoundingly quick. It’s interesting to Finn, in a way, that he bonds with his father through little facts and facets of his life and his day, and with his mother through missions and fighting.

“I have to say,” Kaydel tells him when they’re alone in the mess. “Your mom’s pretty hardcore.” 

The Whisper Squadron, when around nobody but themselves and Finn, have stopped pretending that they don’t know that Kaestra and Luke are his parents. Finn can’t even remember when it happened.

“She kind of is.”

“Are you still pissed about them not telling you?” Finn’s confided in Kaydel more than anyone other than Leia, Rey, or Poe.

“Kind of?” Finn runs a hand through his hair. “It’s complicated. On the one hand, they should tell me. On the other, they’re trying to protect me.”

“Hm.” Kaydel sighs softly. “I’m sorry your family is such a mess.”

Finn laughs, and Kaydel grins.

 

Finn’s on a solo mission when he gets clipped by a First Order blaster in the shoulder. Nothing that will kill him, it barely grazes him. But it’s enough that it throws him off balance and he falls over. 

It’s enough that he feels a blaster pressed against the back of his head.

“We should kill this scum right here,” he hears growled.

“No,” another voice says. “Ren will want to talk to him.”

Something slams into the back of his head, and then darkness.

 

_“It looks like he’s been taken prisoner by the First Order,” Leia tells Luke and Kaestra, mouth set in a grim line._

_“We have to get him back,” Kaestra says frantically._

_“We have to tell him,” Luke agrees, just as high strung. “We have to- we never said anything, we have to let him know-“_

_“He knew.”_

_Kaestra and Luke gape at her._

_“What do you mean he_ knew _?” Kaestra asks._

_“He figured it out on his own. He’s a smart boy.”_

_“And you didn’t_ tell _us?” Luke demands, boiling fury._

_“You didn’t tell him you were his parents, why should I have told you that he knew?”_

_Finn watches his father and his aunt start shouting at each other, knowing it is happening, knowing they wouldn’t hear him even if he roared._

 

When Finn wakes up, he’s in one of the holding cells in a detention block on the _Finalizer_. He recognizes it from cleaning them so long ago.

He reaches for the ponytail holder, tangled in his hair after lying down for so long, and quietly pins his hair back up.

The door slides open and Kylo Ren enters. On his belt is an extra lightsaber, one that must be Finn’s. Finn slides so he can lean his back against the wall, looking up at Kylo.

“This was Leia Organa’s,” Kylo says, voice metallic through his mask. “It should not be yours.”

“She gave it to me.”

“She should not have.”

“It’s my birthright as much as yours.”

Kylo flinches like Finn struck him.

“You _remember_ ,” he hisses. “How can you remember? I didn’t give you your memories back. Did Luke-“

“Your mother’s been training me. With sharper use of the Force comes sharper memories.” 

Kylo Ren says nothing.

“Take off your mask, Ben,” Finn says softly. “I want to see your face.”

“You’ve seen my face.”

“The last time I saw it, I didn’t know who you were. The time before that, we were children. Let me see your face.”

Kylo says nothing again. Then he removes the mask. There’s something fiery and gone in his eyes at the same time.

He’s not that much older than Finn.

He’s so _young_.

“Please come back with me,” Finn says. “I’d forgive you.”

Kylo scoffs. “And you think my mother would? Your mother? Skywalker?”

“Your mother would forgive you in an instant, and you know that. Kaestra and Luke would learn.”

“Poe? Your friend Rey?”

“They would learn,” Finn repeats. “Anakin Skywalker came back to the light and Luke forgave him. If my father forgave his grandfather, I can do the same to you.”

Kylo paces. “Anakin Skywalker was _weak_ ,” he growls. “Weak and foolish. He was at his most powerful when he was Darth Vader-“

“Power isn’t everything, Ben.”

“That’s not my name.”

“Yes. It is.” Finn only realizes as he’s saying it that it’s true. That he _does_ forgive Ben. That Ben _is_ in there, he knows it. “It’s your name,” he says, full of conviction.

“It’s _not!_ ” Ben yanks out his lightsaber and slashes across the opposite wall. Finn doesn’t flinch. It’s not the first time he’s been present for one of his outbursts. “You could have had _all the power in the galaxy._ I would have _gladly shared it with you._ And you _threw it away_.” He shuts his lightsaber down, breathing heavily. 

“Come home, Ben,” Finn murmurs. “I want my cousin back.”

They stare at each other for a moment. Then Ben puts his helmet back on.

“You’re slated for termination,” Ben tells him, voice echoing once more. “As a traitor deserves.”

He sweeps out and Finn lies down, closing his eyes. He needs to be well rested to find a way to escape.

 

His cell door slides open and a Stormtrooper steps in, door sliding shut behind them. Finn doesn’t attack right away. Later, when he can stuff the Stormtrooper in a closet. People will ask questions if a lone man in Stormtrooper armor emerges without a prisoner.

The trooper’s quiet so finally Finn says “well? Are you going to say anything?”

The trooper reaches up and takes her helmet off, shaking her hair out.

“Hey, boss,” Kaydel says. “How’s tricks?”

Finn laughs, aware of the hysterical edge to it. “Been better.”

“I bet.”

“Is the whole squadron here?”

“Plus Rey, Poe, and your parents.” 

“It’s a party.”

“Indeed.” Kaydel throws him a blaster. “And we’ve got company, so you better be ready to fight your way out of here. Your father’s disabling the blast doors so we should be able to get out of here in a couple of minutes.”

“Good to know.” Finn takes the blaster and primes it. “Let’s go.”

They charge into the hallway, where Whisper Squadron and his mother, in a simple black outfit with black fabric along the throat. 

“Hey, it’s the boss,” Rilop says. “Hi, boss.”

“Hi, Rilop.” Finn catches a Stormtrooper aiming at Kaestra in the chest with a blaster bolt.

“Hi, Mom,” he says. She looks up at him and smiles warmly, lovingly. 

“Hello, my sweet child.”

“We’ll talk about it later. For now let’s go.”

“Your father’s on his way.”

They run through the hallways. Finn leads them, knowing exactly where they’re going. Luke quickly joins them, also all in black, glancing at Finn.

“Hello, Fae.”

“Hi, Dad.” Finn picks off a Stormtrooper charging at them from a side hallway. “Where’s Poe and Rey?”

“Holding off people around the ship.”

They turn a corner and Kylo Ren is standing across from them at the end of the hallway all of the sudden, frozen. Finn reaches out his hand instinctively, and his lightsaber comes sailing across the hall and into his hand.

“Ben!” He yells. Kylo makes no move to come to them, but he makes no move to stop them either.

“Come on,” Luke says, grabbing Finn’s shoulder. They head for the port, where the _Millennium Falcon_ waits, Rey and Poe nimbly picking off troopers that approach.

“What’s up, buddy?” Poe yells.

“You look awful!” Rey adds.

“Thanks, guys!” They all run up into the _Falcon._

“Do you need me in the cannons?” Finn asks as Poe and Rey head for the cockpit. Kaydel shakes her head.

“Qail and I got it.” She touches Finn’s shoulder gently before she leaves. “Rest.”

Finn doesn’t sit down until they make the jump to hyperspace. Then he sits heavily in one of the bunks and lies down, suddenly exhausted.

His mother and father kneel by him.

“We’re so sorry we didn’t tell you,” Kaestra says.

“I know,” Finn answers.

“We were still dealing with the shock of you being alive, I guess,” Luke tells him. “We should have taken you into account. We’re so sorry.”

“I forgave Ben, Dad. I can forgive you and Mom.”

His parents give him watery smiles.

“You should sleep,” Kaestra says. “We can talk when we get back to base.”

There’s a lot to talk about, to tell Leia, to speak with his parents of. But right now, with his mother’s hand in his hair and his father’s hand in his hair, Finn Skywalker falls asleep, a soft smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to see a Finn Skywalker story play out in the films, so I made it happen here.
> 
> I have a tumblr! Follow me here: http://cosmicoceanfic.tumblr.com/
> 
> Kaestra's outfit and boots when she and Finn meet: http://attackoftheclothes.tumblr.com/post/141367994398/cade-bane-on-nal-hutta-greg-lauren-fall-2016  
> http://attackoftheclothes.tumblr.com/post/131990982827/ankle-boots-for-maris-brood-emilio-pucci-fall
> 
> Kaestra's clothes when she comes to rescue Finn: http://attackoftheclothes.tumblr.com/post/133204784207/action-attire-for-sintas-vel-emanuel-ungaro-pre


End file.
